Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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