Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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