My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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