Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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