Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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