I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
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I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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