Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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