I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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