The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my shit smells like andre
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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