her vagina looked like bernie madoff
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to make out with him forever
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize