God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize