i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize