6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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