he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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