you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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