I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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