shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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