the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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