i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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