my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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