I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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