Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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