You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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