wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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