She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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