I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
