fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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