I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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