Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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