How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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