It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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