Just cropdusted the office
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize