im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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