well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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