Acid is not a monday night drug
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize