even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize