I want to have your abortion
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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