there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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