Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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