I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So many bounce houses so little time
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
