I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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