We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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