fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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