Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
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"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
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captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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