I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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