Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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