Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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