That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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