He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
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it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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