I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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